Improving Family Communication – Part 2

What makes family communication worse?

Criticizing or using a voice with contempt
Using hot button words: always, never, you, should
Dismissing, blaming, shaming, threats, exaggerating, defensiveness, teasing , silent treatment
Using too many words
Not validating other person’s experiences
Having unreasonable expectations
Being critical or condescending
Name calling
Using closed ended questions – answers are “yes” or “no”
Engaging in power struggles
Not apologizing ever
Reacting to issue at hand
Being overly emotional – if parents are too mad or in a rage over issue at hand
Experiencing too much family stress
Trying to change the other person
Not getting enough sleep
Parenting at odds with co-parent/grandparents/other caregivers
Having conditional love
Experiencing untreated mental health issues in the family

What makes family communication better?

Using loving and non-emotional tone – clinical in the nicest way
Treating family members with respect
Using fewer words
Validating other person’s experiences
Having reasonable expectations – age, ability and circumstances
Being encouraging
Empathizing
Using open ended questions – answers are more elaborate, more opportunity for back and forth talking
Not engaging in power struggles
Apologizing
Responding – think before talking, after time out allow parent & child time to calm down emotionally
Waiting 15 minutes before handling issue if parent is over-mad
Living in a relaxed and calm atmosphere
Accepting that each person is different and that each person is allowed to be who he or she is
Using when . . . then statements
Getting enough sleep
Agreeing on parenting strategies with co-parent/grandparents/other caregivers
Having unconditional love
Treating mental health issues in the family

Resources:

Parent Talk: How to Talk to Your Children in Language That Builds Self-Esteem and Encourages Responsibility by Chick Moorman (publ. 2003)

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk (How to Help Your Child) by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish (publ. 2001 – updated)

Raising Your Spirited Child Rev Ed: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive,

Persistent, and Energetic by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka (publ. 2006 – updated)

Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles: Winning for a Lifetime by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka (publ. 2001)

Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child: The Heart of Parenting by John Gottman (publ. 1998 – updated)